Second Time Around
by Shadowmage97
Summary: Memoirs of a reincarnated life.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Harry Potter.**

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><p><em>"<em>_The best way tell someone you don't like them is to text them '370HSSV 0773H' and tell them to read it upside down."_

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><p><strong>(∩'-')⊃━*.*.*.*<strong>

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><p>To be honest when I realized that I'd been reincarnated I really didn't know <em>where <em>I had been tossed into. I certainly didn't realize that I was in a fictional story that I'd once read as a child and I sure as hell didn't notice exactly how close I was to the main character.

In my defense I was more than a little preoccupied with my new situation. Considering I'd never even believed in reincarnation in the first place I was, suffice to say, suitably horrified to realize not only was I a baby but that I was as far away from as home as I could get.

Quite frankly, now I know there's a reason why memories are erased when one is reincarnated.

Let me assure you, lovely readers of this amazing journal of mine, being aware that your about to be born is horrible. Being aware that your about to be born to a stranger is even worse. And being in this situation when in your previous life you were once a nurse in training, is completely, utterly disgusting and humiliating.

Let's just say that remembering that babies drank uterus fluid to practice using their digestive and urinary systems at that precise moment was not good for me.

I was still shuddering from the horror of it all months afterward. I think my 'parents' were worried I was having seizures or something but I managed.

Anyway it was such a huge shocker, realizing I'd been reborn, that I didn't even put up a fuss when some random nurse washed me off, and handed me off to someone who I assumed was my 'mother'.

Damn, I realized that I was going to have to learn everything over again. Double damn, I wouldn't even be able to wipe my own ass for while.

Hmph, I was just going to have to be an 'early developer'.

Next thing I knew I was torn from my thoughts when something was shoved in my face. It took me a while to realize the stranger was shoving her breast in my face.

Naturally I refused to drink it. I didn't care what the hell brought me here but their was no fucking way I was placing my mouth anywhere near another chick's breasts, whether or not she was my mother.

As the woman tried to feed me again, I began screaming loudly.

Fuck it, if I was going to go through this humiliation then I was doing it my way. I was going to survive on formula or die trying.

As I fell asleep after drinking the nasty tasting formula the nurse brought in after my 'mother' gave up trying to give me breast milk, a horrifying realization hit me.

There was still chance I might not be a girl.

Unfortunately, I couldn't fight of the urge to sleep and the checking of the gender had to be put on the waiting list.

This would be a very humiliating childhood, of this I was certain.

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><p><strong>(∩'-')⊃━*.*.*.*<strong>

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><p><em>Read and review!<em>

_Thanks,_

_ShaSha_


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Harry Potter.**

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><p><em>"F.I.N.A.L.S: Fuck I Never Actually Learned Shit"<em>

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><p><strong>(∩'-')⊃━*.*.*.*<strong>

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><p>To tell you the truth the first few months after my birth was a large blur. It pretty much involved me sleeping and cuddling with my mum a lot.<p>

It was a bit worrying at first, drifting in and out like that and I was scared that maybe my baby brain couldn't handle the information overload that came with being reincarnated with all my memories and now it was permanently damaged.

Luckily after my first birthday everything became much clearer. It was like I'd been wearing the wrong glasses that made me see everything blurry and suddenly put on the right ones one and everything was clear again. Honestly, everything looked normal, I clearly wasn't in the Naruto world (pretty disappointing) nor was I in any other world that I could tell.

It was the first time I could get a good look at my brand-spanking-new parents, too.

My new mother was all skin and bones as far as I could tell. She was a very tall blonde woman and if one were to describe her nicely the word they'd use would be willowy. My new father on the other hand was the complete opposite. He was dark-haired, short and extremely overweight.

It may be a vain thought but I really hoped that there's a pretty relative somewhere in either of their families that I can take after.

I also found out that I had twin brother who took great joy in hitting me and taking my toys. Annoying little brat.

Of course it irritated him when I flat out ignored him and instead went for the picture books mother had left in the nursery room.

To my utter amusement I learned my brother's name was Dudley. Yes, Dudley like Harry Potter's cousin in the books. Obviously mom and dad must have been Harry Potter fans though it would have more sense if they'd named Dudley, Harry instead but whatever.

I had better things to do with my time. Such as figuring out what my new name was.

Today, Dudley and I were strapped to our baby seats in the yard while our mother worked on her garden of petunias and begonias. I decided to get to work. I was already a year old and since it seemed like I was still in my old world instead of a world like Naruto I decided to show off a little of my 'genius'.

"Ma-mama! Mama! Flowia!" Damn, flower didn't come out right.

Mother immediately dropped the small shovel and turned to face us. "What did you say sweetie? Can you say that for mummy again?"

I frowned in concentration. "Flo-Flowa!" Oh, good god. The damn 'r' refused to be pronounced.

Mum immediately began cooing over me. "Oh, Peony, sweetheart, your mummy's little genius aren't you? Oh, wait until I tell Vernon!"

Two things happened at once.

First one part of my mind was stuck on the horrifying realization that I'd been named Peony. _Peony_. That was the most horrible name I've ever heard.

I mean, god, if we're going with flower names, why not Rose? Lily, Iris, Violet. God, even Petunia would be better.

Then I realized she'd just called dad Vernon.

Was this a joke? Were these people role-players? But then why would the include their children in it?

I couldn't really be in a book, could I? And if so, what the hell was I? An OC? A mary-sue? Did I even have magical powers?

Why was I even considering this? I mean their appearances were scarily similar to the book descriptions and we were somewhere in England and we did live in a neighborhood that had houses that looked almost exactly the same but a _book_? A fictional story? Was it really possible?

As I watched my mother fuss over Dudley and I, I decided that I'd give this world a chance.

It was still possible that everything was an amazing coincidence but if the possibility that I was in the Harry Potter world was true then I'd just have to accept it. After all, I _had_ been reincarnated.

I'd see in a few months. If a certain dark-haired child didn't land in our doorstep in the next two months than I wasn't in the Harry Potter world. If so, then I may or may not be screwed.

Honestly, I really wasn't sure if I should be happy that I wasn't reborn into the dangerous world of Naruto with all it's Ninja and fighting or disappointed that I may have been born into a world where dangerous magical terrorists roamed the earth.

I decided that if I _was_ in the Harry Potter world I'd better be a flipping witch or there would be hell to pay.

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><p><strong>(∩'-')⊃━*.*.*.*<strong>

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><p><em>Read and Review.<em>

_Thank you,_

_ShaSha_


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Harry Potter.**

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><p><em>"I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday and Friday is so close to Monday."<em>

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><p><strong>(∩'-')⊃━*.*.*.*<strong>

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><p>I'm in the Harry Potter world.<p>

I was about to give up on this idea and live my new life in a boring mundane manner, when surprise, surprise Harry Potter arrived at our doorstep.

Almost two months had passed and nothing strange had happened. It was well into the summer and the days were long and hot so I was awake pretty early, being a baby and all, I didn't like extreme temperatures.

Dudley, the fat lard, slept through everything, of course, so mum and I were the only ones awake. Dad had gone to work earlier.

Mum had placed me in my play pen and had gone to get the mail as it was Sunday. The next thing I knew she was screaming loudly and I had jerked up suddenly from my half-asleep state, startled.

_What in the hell?_

Mum came in holding a small bundle and my suspicious brain immediately began think _Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter_.

Naturally, I dismissed this particularly ridiculous thought process because I had already convinced myself I was in the normal world.

I watched curiously as mum sat down, bundle still in arm and holding a piece of paper in her hand. She looked rather shaken and the suspicions began whispering at me again.

I squashed them down ruthlessly.

"Mama?"

Mum looked at me startled. I watched, concerned, as she gave me a watery grin.

"Oh, Peony, Sweetheart." I cringed. God _damn _that name. How I hate it so.

She stood up carefully and walked to my play pen.

"This- this is your cousin Harry. He's going to be staying with from now on."

I looked at her. Then I looked at the thing in her arms.

Two wide green eyes stared back at me curiously. A red lightning bolt scar lay on his head.

_Oh, hell no._

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><p>If I'm going to be stuck in this world, I fucking better be a witch.<p>

As it is I really hope that my 'parents' don't stick Harry in a cupboard. I'm somewhat fond of them (as one tends to be of the people who fed them and wiped their asses for them when they could have been left starving and in sitting in their own feces) but I definitely don't condone child abuse.

Actually, this might make things a bit complicated... If I _do _end up being a witch (I damn well better) then would they hate me?

Hmm... I'm not _that_ attached to the Dursleys... Eh, I'll see to that particular predicament when the time comes.

Harry is a nice kid, though. Kinda quiet but much nicer than Dudley thats for sure. Mum placed him in the playpen with me and he just sat there staring at me and sucking his thumb.

After a staring contest I crawled over to the corner where mum had placed some toys and picture books.

I separated the two, keeping the books for me and pushing the toys toward Harry.

When he just looked at the toys oddly, I pointed at him as imperiously as I could and ordered; "Play!"

He got the hint and took one of Dudley's toy cars. He then threw straight up in the air and looked completely befuddled when it came falling back down.

Hmm... It's as if he'd never seen the acts of gravity before...

Oh, wait. He just came from a wizarding family. His toys probably flew and walked around and shit like that.

Oh, fuck. It looks like he's about cry. I quickly crawled to him and patted him gently on the shoulder.

Grabbing the car, I pretending to be driving it.

"Vroom! Vroom!" That got him giggling again, much to my relief, and I gave the car back to him and crawled back to my little corner.

Huh... Mum came in and saw Harry giggling and smiled at him. Does she not hate him for being magic?

This... is actually quite troubling. If mum is nice to Harry, this could mean that I'm actually in an alternate universe of an alternate universe. Or that fanfiction stereotype of Dumbledore being a manipulative old coot is actually true and he spelled the Dursleys to hate Harry. Or it was Vernon who disliked magic so immensely and forced her to go along with his ideas.

Selfish as it is, I really hope it's not the alternate reality one. I rather like having knowledge of the future in a world like this.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!"

Damn, Dudley's awake.

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><p><strong>(∩'-')⊃━*.*.*.*<strong>

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><p><em>Sheesh! I haven't updated in a while. Sorry to anyone reading this. It's kinda short so expect a much longer one next time.<em>

_Please enjoy and review!_

_Thanks,_

_ShaSha_


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